Prank Wars
by The Original Frizzi
Summary: Lyra Cousland is feeling a little down... what better way to cheer her up than to have a prank war? *I do not own Lyra, this is simply AU character crossover for entertainment! Read The Teryn's Daughter and The King's Son for more info about Lyra*


Secluded (for the most part) in the yard of the estate, Lyra practiced with her blades, using the utmost concentration on her moves. The surprise attack and escape that she had just experienced left her nerves feeling shot, coupled with the stress of the Landsmeet looming just ahead. She needed something productive to focus on, lest she start snapping unfairly at the rest of her party... especially Alistair, Maker bless him.

The bustling continued around her as she practiced. There was a huge dinner planned for the evening, and servants hurried to and fro, engaged in their various tasks. She blocked out the distractions, her ears deaf to the background noise... mostly.

The soft rumble of a cart and higher pitched voices tugged at her focus, bringing her to take a momentary break to see what it was. Indeed, it was a cart, being pulled along by a young woman with two small blond-haired girls nearly bouncing around, asking rapid fire questions to each other, and to the woman. _Their mother?_ Lyra asked herself. The woman seemed a bit too young, although it wasn't uncommon for girls to marry young. Lyra was eternally grateful that she had been spared any such fate herself.

"How many nobles live here?" One of the young girls asked.

"There's got to be hundreds, because it's a big castle," the other commented. "Will there be a party?"

"And music, and dancing-"

"-With pretty, swishy dresses?"

"I don't know," the woman answered, stopping her cart close to a stone wall.

Both young girls looked up at the estate, identical enough to be twins, Lyra realized. "I wonder if there's a tower here," the first thought aloud.

"There can't be a tower here!" the other exclaimed.

"Why not?"

"Because then there'd be a dragon here, too!" As the young woman giggled under her breath, setting up her impromptu shop, the second twin continued. "Dragons love towers, because it gives them something to fly around, and land on while roaring, and shooting fire out of their mouths."

"My dragon won't do that," the other proclaimed. "Mine will be small, cute... maybe furry!"

"Is this a dragon, or a flying kitten?" the woman asked, securing a bit of canvas into the side of the cart.

"Dragons can be furry... can't they? It must be cold flying around all the time," the small girl replied.

The merchant girl paused, her brows furrowing with confusion. "Is this what you think about during your lessons in the Chantry all day? Because that is a very good question..."

At this point, Lyra had to cover her mouth with a hand, to better suppress her laughter. The two young girls were absolutely darling! It must be a joy for the merchant to raise them, as well, given their well-behaved mannerisms and boundless curiosity. Her heart panged with want of children just like this, but a smile fixed itself as she spoke up. "What I have found," she called out to the trio, "is that dragons love mountains."

The three girls looked up at Lyra as she spoke. "Mountains?" one twin asked.

"Were you there?" the other asked.

"Did you see one?" the first continued.

"Yes, I did," Lyra replied, before adding, "Myself and the rest of my party fought one in fact-"

That was all she managed to say before the two young girls ran forward, intent on hearing more. The merchant started to scramble after them before calling out, "Girls!" As they both stopped and turned, the merchant girl continued. "I'm sure the lady has other things to do..."

"It's fine," Lyra insisted, setting her daggers in their sheaths while kneeling down to the girls' height.

"Please, Kitty? Can we hear the story, please?" one girl begged, as both clasped their hands together under their chins. Lyra nearly laughed aloud once more, just imagining the pouting faces they wore now.

Kitty (Lyra doubted that was her real name) seemed torn, then finally nodded, lightly worrying at her lower lip. "As my lady wishes," she spoke softly, returning to her cart, and keeping an eye on the twin girls.

Lyra may not have been Leliana, able to add the right dramatic pauses and embellishments to the story, but save for a few carefully omitted facts- such as what she and her party were doing in the mountains in the first place, and how incredibly massive the dragon really was- both young girls appeared to hang on Lyra's every word, gasping with wide eyes as she finally described the final bolt of lightning that struck the dragon down.

"... And once the dragon fell with a mighty crash, the mountains fell silent, save for the storm... and the dragon was no more."

Both girls paused in awe, before the one on her left- Rosie, her name was, asked, "Was he furry?"

Lyra found herself giggling at the unexpected question. "No, she wasn't. Very scaly, yes, but no fur."

"Where was the princess?" the other, Gracie, asked.

"There was no princess, but there was plenty of treasure... especially jewelry, like necklaces and tiaras," she replied, correctly guessing what would interest the two of them.

Instead of grilling her for more questions, both girls ran back to the merchant girl, excitedly calling her real name repeatedly and retelling the story at the same time as the other sister. Kit held up her hands in surrender, insisting to the two of them that she overheard the story as she laughed. Lyra rose, coming over to the cart, seeing an array of soaps and perfumes in the cart as she drew closer. "Your daughters are adorable," she complimented as she started to browse Kit's wares.

"They're actually my sisters, my lady, but I agree…they are adorable. Thank you for sharing that story with them... if I may ask, where did you read it?"

Lyra smirked as she looked up to Kit. "It wasn't from a book." And it probably would never be in a book. "We were very lucky to survive that day."

Kit's jaw fell open, and she looked ready to ask a question, when... it happened.

.oOo.

Fergus nudged Alistair's arm, and the two of them raised themselves up just barely to peek over the balustrade.

"Check it out, brother," Fergus whispered, and Alistair saw Lyra standing near a merchant's cart, browsing through the various sundries and chatting with the merchant. Her back was to them…it was a perfect shot.

Alistair chuckled to himself, dipping the sponge in the bucket of water and hefting it slightly. Fergus dipped one up as well, and they peered over the balustrade.

"On three," Alistair whispered. One, two-"

As one, they both stood and heaved their sponges. Lyra turned, hearing something, and managed a half-gasped scream before the twin water-bombs smacked soundly into Lyra's face and chest. She gasped, and brought her hands up in annoyance, feeling drops of water trickling down her neck and soaking her smallclothes. Fergus had already grabbed a second sponge, but Alistair hesitated when he saw the look on Lyra's face. She sputtered, and he thought, _Maker, I'm in for it anyway_. He launched his second sponge, and cringed when it missed completely and landed in the merchant girl's cart. She shrieked, and grabbed the sponge and hurled it away, crying out something about how her soaps would melt. Lyra began shouting their names, and the boys ducked, laughing hysterically.

"Did you see her face? Did you see it?" Fergus laughed.

"We should run," Alistair said. "Now." Fergus grinned, and they scampered off the balcony.

.oOo.

Lyra let loose a half-frustrated noise, swiping the loose water from her face. It seemed the prank war had, once again, begun.

"Maker, give me patience to deal with my idiot brother, because if you give me strength I'll just kill him," Lyra muttered.

"Friends of yours, I take it?" Kit asked, carefully setting aside the bars of soap that had gotten wet from the dry ones, in an effort to save the rest.

"My brother, teamed up with someone who'll be sleeping alone tonight," Lyra explained, unable to prevent the grin spreading. She rather doubted she'd actually be able to keep Alistair out of her bed that evening…if nothing else, the stress relief would be welcome.

Kit paused as the particular meaning behind that statement sunk in. "Oh..."

"Kitty, what did she mean by that?" Rosie asked.

"I'll tell you when you're older," Kit said, neatly avoiding that topic.

Lyra picked up the sponge that lay on the ground at her feet, already starting to think up ways to get Fergus and Alistair back. The soft clink of soap bars drew her attention once more... "I don't mean to interrupt your work, but could you be persuaded to help a good cause?"

Kit paused her restacking of soap, looking up to the Warden. "'Help a good cause' meaning... get Alistair and Fergus back?" At Lyra's firm nod, she thought to herself, then smiled mischievously. "I'm sure I could help somehow..."

It took a bit of silent searching to find the two instigators in Fergus' room, still laughing amongst themselves about the previous prank. Keeping close ears to the door, Gracie and Rosie took posts as designated lookouts, and Kit and Lyra rubbed the wet soap in a thin layer across the stone floors in front of the doorway. Once that was done, the twin girls were ushered further down the hall in time for Lyra to knock on the door. Upon opening, both Kit and Lyra- the former being assured that it would be okay- let loose their attack, flinging the sponges back into the room.

The first ones hit Fergus, causing him to duck down and thus causing Alistair to be in perfect range. Both were riled up enough to start a pursuit, and falling perfectly into the trap set for them. As the girls ran laughing back down the hallway, scooping up Gracie and Rosie as they went, Fergus slipped first, managing to catch himself against the opposite wall. Alistair, trying to stop himself, still managed to slip in the soap but remained in the doorway as he careened back and forth.

This was all the giggling girls managed to catch before ducking around the corner, running like the archdemon was after them.

"Oh, now it's war," Alistair said. Fergus began to laugh, and overbalanced, falling down on the slippery stones.

"What do you think?" Alistair asked Fergus, making his way over to the man to offer him a hand up.

"I think..." Fergus said, and then lowered his voice to speak in a hushed tone. Alistair's eyes lit up, and they made their way carefully out of the room, heading for the kitchens, where the chefs were busily preparing food for a hundred for the party that night. It was a simple matter to steal a bowl from the counter and sneak out before anyone really knew what had happened.

.oOo.

"What happened? Did they fall?" Rosie asked excitedly.

"Did you hit them?" Gracie asked. "Did you get them good?"

"We got them good," Lyra laughed, her eyes sparkling. "Thank you, Kit. Here-" she dug in her pouch, and pulled out several coins. "For the soap. And actually, I'd still like to purchase some other things...you had some lovely perfumes, I remember."

Kit smiled, and they strolled back out to the yard, Gracie and Rosie chattering happily, asking Lyra about the estate and who lived there, and how may swishy dresses she owned, and whether she had french toast for breakfast every single day.

Lyra had chosen several things from Kit's wares when Kestrel came bounding around the corner, barking madly.

"Is that your dog?" Rosie asked eagerly.

"Can we pet him?" Gracie asked.

"What's his name?" Rosie asked.

"What kind of dog is he?" Gracie asked, already following her sister's lead and petting Kestrel, scratching him behind his ears. Kestrel melted, and began wriggling with delight to have two pretty little girls paying him such nice attention.

"Yes, he's my dog...his name is Kestrel, he's a Mabari, and yes, you can pet him," Lyra said with a laugh. Kestrel allowed himself to be fussed over for a moment, and then gently took Lyra's hand in his mouth and tugged. He moved off toward the house, whimpering slightly, and then returned and repeated the whole process.

"I think...he wants me to go with him," Lyra said.

Kestrel whined, and looked at Kit and the girls.

"Them too, huh Kestrel?" Lyra said, and Kestrel barked happily and began to move off toward the house again, looking back at her eagerly and wagging his stub tail.

"C'mon, girls!" Lyra said, and they followed the Mabari, giggling. Kit trailed after them, wondering exactly what was going on.

Lyra rounded the corner, and was momentarily blinded as Alistair and Fergus threw handfuls of whipped cream at her. She shrieked in dismay and began wiping the stuff from her eyes, feeling soft plops hit her body, utterly ruining her shirt and breeches.

"Fergus!" she screeched. Fergus shoved the metal bowl into Alistair's hands and took off, laughing madly. Lyra wiped the gook from her eyes and glared at her fiance.

"Really mature, Alistair. Really," she said, and he shuffled forward guiltily, and then scooped up a handful of whipped cream and mashed it into her face.

"Sorry, love," he said, and then began snickering.

"You'll pay for that!" she screeched as Alistair took off after Fergus, his laughter echoing throughout the yard. She attempted to fling some of the whipped cream after them, but it had almost no loft, and fell short by several feet.

"Oooh, I can't believe they got Kestrel to help them!" Lyra raved, and cleaned her face as best she could, flinging the sticky mess to the ground as she shook off her hands.

"I'll kill them," she seethed, and then she heard Kit's snort of laughter. She glanced at the girls, who were wide-eyed and staring. Kit had her hand pressed over her mouth, shaking silently, and then Lyra began to laugh as well, and licked a bit of whipped cream from her fingers. The chefs they had stolen this from would NOT be happy...whipped cream took a long time to make.

Kit pulled a cloth from her waistband and handed it to Lyra, who began mopping herself up.

"Don't get mad...get even," Kit said, a wicked sparkle in her eye. Lyra smiled slowly, and they bent their heads together, planning.

.oOo.

Lyra knocked on the wooden door, grinning conspiratorially at Kit. The plan they came up with this time around was wickedly delightful, and much like with Fergus' and Alistair's plan, needed an outside party member. So when Morrigan answered the door, Lyra brightly smiled at the apostate. "Hi! Are you busy right now?"

She regarded Lyra and her followers with a delicate arch of her brow. "Perhaps..."

Before she could ask anything further of Lyra's request, Gracie and Rosie spoke up with childlike wonder over the new discovery. "How do you get your eyes to look yellow and purple?" Rosie asked.

"And why is your shirt that loose?" Gracie asked. "Momma always said we should always dress like proper women, she did."

"Wonderful for your mother," Morrigan replied flatly. With the rate the children were going, it may as well have fallen on deaf ears.

"Are you a princess?" Rosie asked.

"Did you fight the dragon too?" Gracie asked.

"Why do you only have one sleeve?" Rosie asked.

"How long have you known Lady Lyra?" Gracie asked.

"Bah! Such questions you ask me!" Morrigan interrupted, throwing her hands up in frustration. Seeing that it quieted the girls, she added, "I do not ask such pointless things of you, do I?"

Lyra paused as the silence grew. Kit's jaw had dropped as her face reddened with what she could easily guess as anger, and she started to diffuse the situation by changing the subject, when Gracie beat her into talking.

"You could," the small girl offered, having apparently been non-affected by the tone Morrigan used.

Morrigan shocked Lyra and Kit by laughing with genuine amusement.

"How lucky I am," she replied, before turning back to the Warden. "Was there something you wished of me?"

Shaking the obvious surprise from her face, Lyra replied, "Yes, there is." She detailed quickly what was happening, what Kit and Lyra intended to do next, and how Morrigan was to play in all of this. The witch mused over the proposition before nodding her answer, to the delight of Lyra and Kit, though the latter girl's was a bit more subdued.

Still, the plan was in motion.

.oOo.

"How long do you think it will take for Lyra to get back at us?" Alistair asked, reminiscing over the look on Lyra's face.

Fergus took a break from watching the door, and from the servants wiping up the slippery layer of soap from the floor, to answer Alistair. "Not sure, really. We had prank wars last for days back home," he said.

Kestrel barked happily, his stub tail wagging in agreement.

"And yes, Kestrel was used in some of the pranks she pulled, so it was only fair," Fergus added, throwing the Mabari a grin.

Alistair nodded, patting Kestrel on his furred head. "I never knew that she..." He drifted off, seeing a new form in the doorway.

"Morrigan," he greeted, until the look on the mage's face silenced him. "Has something happened?"

"I would think so, yes," she cooly answered. "Lyra has asked me to participate in these childish pranks you're playing-"

"Oh no," Alistair interrupted. "What did you say?"

"Against my better judgment, I agreed, and as I suspected would happen, someone has been hurt." As both men sat up straighter, Morrigan continued. "Specifically, Lyra."

"What happened?" both Fergus and Alistair simultaneously asked.

"She has fallen from a ladder. Both Wynne and I have taken a look at her and she seems not to be seriously hurt, but she is now resting in bed. For some reason has asked for the both of you."

A pang of guilt resonated in Alistair's chest. He was convinced that this would be good fun, but now he wondered if they had taken things too far. After passing identical looks of dismay to Fergus, they both followed Morrigan out and towards Lyra's room.

"Wait," Fergus said, stopping in his tracks. "How do we know this isn't some kind of trick?"

Alistair paused as well. That was a good point...

"Ah, another suspicious simpleton. And here I thought I had seen the last of it from Alistair."

Morrigan had turned neatly on her heel to face them before gesturing to Lyra's door, which was open a crack. "Go, and see her for yourselves," she stated, folding her arms.

That made both men pause once more. Morrigan really did look serious right now, and the room behind the door was oddly quiet. Maybe something did happen. Fergus knocked gently on the door. "Lyra?"

"... Fergus..." came the weakened reply.

Chastising himself for his own actions, he pushed open the door with Alistair right behind him, not noticing the sliding noise right above him. The area immediately around them suddenly filled with white particles of flour as the bucket resting on the door and frame fell in between both men, the jarring motion of it connecting to the floor sending the powder shooting upwards and covering both of them with a fine white film. Alistair was already facing it; Fergus had turned in surprise of the sudden noise... both had gotten faces full of flour.

Lyra, Kit, and the twin girls collapsed into giggles at the effect, the latter two rolling back and forth on the bed in their merriment. _That was almost too easy_, Lyra couldn't help but think to herself.

Alistair turned to Morrigan, watching her amused expression and as she gave a half shrug to him.

"What happened, guys? You look like you've seen a ghost," Lyra innocently asked, causing Kit to snicker again.

Alistair wiped the flour from his eyes, and Kestrel pushed his way past him and began licking flour off of the floor. Fergus grinned, and began to chuckle.

"Your face..." Lyra gasped with laughter. "Your..._face_..." She went off into another whoop of laughter, and Alistair strode to the bed and picked up a pillow. Lyra was doubled over, holding her stomach, and the twin girls were giggling like mad.

"Heads up," Alistair said, and whammed the pillow into Lyra's face. The cover slipped a bit, and a few feathers drifted through the air. From the doorway, there was a shimmer as Morrigan transformed into a raven. Squawking, she flew to a beam at the top of the room, clearing herself of any flying pillows.

"Oh, really," Lyra said, and grabbed her own pillow and whammed Alistair in the back of the head, sending more feathers flying. Gracie and Rosie shrieked with laughter, and began bouncing like wind-up toys on the bed, their blonde curls flying. Fergus picked up a third pillow and began beating Lyra with it, and Kit looked around in alarm - this was getting a little bit out of hand. She ducked over to the bed and picked up Gracie and Rosie, one under each arm, and the girls screeched in protest and wiggled out of her grasp, tumbling back onto the rumpled covers.

"Not yet, Kitty!" Gracie cried.

"Help Lady Lyra!" Rosie insisted, and picked up the last pillow and shoved it into Kit's hands. Alistair swung his pillow and Lyra ducked, causing his pillow to hit Kit square in the face. She blinked in shock, her mouth hanging open, and then she let out a battlecry of her own, whacking the back of Alistair's head. Fergus slammed his pillow against her back, and Kit retaliated, whanging him in the face.

Gracie and Rosie laughed joyfully, springing up and down on the bed and putting enormous lumps into the feather mattress. The raven squawked from the top of the beam, hopping along the length and fluttering her wings as feathers flew from the pillows. Kestrel whined, and began barking. In another few moments, the room was thick with drifting down, and Alistair got a noseful of fluff and began coughing as Lyra bopped him with her pillow. She jumped onto his back and threw her arms around his neck, shouting triumph and raising one fist in a victory gesture, and Kit knocked Fergus to the ground, continuing to assault him with her deadly feather-fluffed weapon.

"Who's laughing now, huh? Who's laughing now-" Lyra shouted. She was cut off by a startled gasp from the doorway.

"What in Andraste's name..." Wynne's voice said. Instantly, all activity froze, and Gracie and Rosie dropped down onto their bottoms, guilty looks covering their angelic faces. Kit was holding her pillow high in the air as Fergus curled up on the floor, one arm raised as he silently begged for mercy. Alistair was bent over, Lyra perched on his back, her knees gripping his sides and a pillow danging from her left hand. She had the grace to blush, and slid down from Alistair's back, clearing her throat and pulling a few feathers from her fiance's hair.

No one said a word as pillows were guiltily lowered and everyone assumed the most innocent postures they could possibly manage... despite the fact that they all were still trying to hold back laughter. Wynne finally crossed her arms and asked, "Well? Will someone explain to me what happened, or should I fetch Arl Eamon?"

"What happened was-" Fergus started.

"Here's the thing, we were-" Alistair cut in.

Wynne held up a halting hand. "And who are these three?" she asked, gesturing to Kit and the twins.

Kit, in turn, blushed beet red, mumbling her own name as she found a sudden interest in her feather-covered shoes.

"Explain. _Now_," Wynne stressed.

"Um, well...we were-" Lyra said, and then Alistair cried out in revulsion, and looked with disgust at the front of his shirt. A streak of black and white goo dripped from the yellow silk, and he glared up into the rafters. The raven squawked, and it almost sounded like a laugh.

* * *

_AN: And there you have it, the prank war between Eve Hawk and myself! I gotta say many many MANY thanks to Eve Hawk, for agreeing to let my characters tag along and play in the particular part of the sandbox, as well as bask in the awesome... xD I hope you guys enjoy reading as much as we had writing! And don't forget to read the rest of Eve's superfantasticallyawesome story this is from, "The Teryn's Daughter and The King's Son". :D_


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